relationships...hmmm how to decipher??

i was talking with my oldest, jenna boyd today on the phone, she has recently been discouraged regarding a relationship with a boy that had looked rather hopeful...the struggles of finding someone, someone that is the RIGHT someone, the one that God is giving you a very significant "thumbs up" this is the one! someone... so hard... we talked about the games that people play in trying to decipher each others wants and needs... communication gaps in stating those wants and needs... being true to the people that you love and that love you...how do we do it? how do we decipher it all?... practice...building on past experiences and noting what works and what doesn't...

being in a relationship for the past 35 years i think about how things have messed up, meshed and morphed throughout all these decades...i think of all the lessons i have learned and how i pray on a daily basis that i be thoughtful and mindful of the most important person to me on this planet...that i never take him for granted and that i purposefully love him, with the intention to make his life more full and the back-splash of that will be that mine is more full as well...

when i think of a relationship of give and take, fragile strength and a deceptively simple/complex dance of blending two lives, i think of my parents...and this is the "connect the dots" vision of how it's done... simple moments... my parents daily taking time to sit in the afternoon in their bedroom and talk about their day...i remember so vividly looking through their open door when i was little, my dad laying down on the bed and my mom perched on the edge, holding his hand and the two of them talking about their day... every day... and my last memory, painfully and vividly etched on the inside of my mind, the picture of my parents, after almost 60 years of marriage, seeing my mom, perched on the edge of my dad's hospital bed at their apartment, holding his hand and talking to him, two days before he died... i saw them as i was leaving for the night and the glow of the lamp behind them will forever hold that portrait silhouetted moment ... relationships? new, not so new, tried and true, the deciphering comes from the 100 percent effort of each person in the couple to truly know and support the other...no matter what...

senioritis...at 51? really??

okay, so i've been waiting my entire life to actually finish something... i have several closets full of "almost finishes"....from crafts, to books, to projects galore, i get so excited and my creativity rev's up and then kerPLunk! oops, i don't have enough time OR experience to complete this project... it is a wonderful thing to have a wide variety of interests? but when you have educational and craft ADHD it can be a bit overwhelming and expensive... needless to say, i am approaching the finish line of my Bachelor's degree in Psychology on June 1st... and yet? here i sit at 10:10 pm on a monday night, all assignments are due on tuesday nights at 9:00 p.m., and i have barely scratched the surface... i have decided that i am truly afflicted with a certifiable case of senioritis... perhaps it's because it has taken me forEVer to arrive at this near destination point in time? or perhaps i'm just lazy? or perhaps i'm a bit frightened that i am actually going to cross a finish line? this is new territory for me... i feel a bit uncoordinated with this new direction in my life... but i'm sure i'll regain my balance soon, i guess i just had to admit that i'm feeling kind of tentative with this new playing field in my life... who knows? maybe i'll actually be able to make a habit of comPLETING things!! oh well, one finish line at a time...

ah... positivity...

i have always considered myself to be a fairly positive person, yet i definitely have an edge for sarcasm... (yes, my dear daughters i can see you basically mouthing the word "duh" as you read this...)... ;)... but i find that when i am working with the special needs population there are certain things that you take for granted...

1> that the 12 year old autistic boy that i am working with doesn't really care that much about his appearance, or what is said about him...
2> that some things that are fairly obvious to those that do NOT have special needs may need to be explained to those that do...

i have decided that the matter of fact manner and straight to the heart honesty of an autistic/asperberger's individual is actually rather refreshing... i may be a behavioral interventionist but i would hope that i never become so jaded in monitoring behavior that i mistake behavior with part of a child's unique personality...

all of these insightful comments add up to one young lady that i have met in the past couple of months that i think has to be the most delightful, unique and positive person on the planet... if i could have an attitude like her 24/7? i would be heaven-bound... most definitely...

miss stephanie is 12 years old and in our 6th grade main stream, general education classroom.... when i first met her she was sitting atop the monkey-bars at recess, swinging her legs back and forth, she introduced herself and said she was "one of the autistics"... she stated this fact with pride and exuberance and i almost expect her to one day wear a rock star emblazoned t-shirt that emphasizes her autistic pride:)... she continually monitors the other "autistic" boy in her grade, who happens to be my charge, "minh"... he is equally as delightful, but prone to tantrums (that i fear may be more brat based than autistic based...) particularly when he wants his own way... granted his world is colored in a manner i cannot possibly conceive, yet i have the example of miss stephanie who keeps minh in line with phrases like, "off-topic minh", "don't twist the swings minh", "not appropriate minh"... frankly its a wonder she hasn't stolen my job:)...

but the corker to all this is one day last week when we received the pictures that the kids had taken on "re-take" day... everyone dresses up, looks their best, smiles pretty... uhm, no... minh walks in with an argyle vest, an atrocious long-sleeve sweater that clashes beautifully with that argyle vest and hair that hails back to the "flock of seagulls" days in the 80's... oh my... he has a cheezzzze grin and he is squinting at the camera... i look at the picture and laugh, show it to his teacher and a few other adults, we all get a good laugh at minh's "bad hair" day... then i see that miss stephanie has her picture, (it's adorable of course)... i show her minh's picture and she proclaims loudly to the classroom, "MINH, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR, YOUR PICTURE IS SO COOL!"...

point taken...
and i am greatly humbled...

a list for my list....

a little bit of an epiphany has struck me over the head... i am already aware of my propensity toward procrastination (uhm, really?) but in a vain attempt to conquer this lack of virtue i have decided i need to create a list for my list... most people make a list and then mark their accomplishments with a giant checkmark or at least cross it out with a big deliberate X, but i think that i must do one extra step... write on my list to CREATE a list... i know this is a sad state of affairs, but i have decided this may be my last resort in attempting some type of time-line in my life... an example of one of my lists for a normal day you ask? anxiously awaiting the minutiae that would be my ordinary little life?
1. devotions
2. vitamins
3. shower/personal grooming
4. breakfast
5. laundry, dishes
6. get ready for work
7. go to work
8. etc., etc., etc.,
9. write a list for tomorrow

if i get at least 3 things done on my list? i feel accomplished...

so? if i just write out a list i'm a third of the way there:)
ah, if life were just this easy... yes, mindless meandering...

appreciation:)

there are times when you'd like to slow down your days to the point where you could actually view them instead of watching them WHIZZZZ by... we've been with the girls and jeff for the past several days in virginia and even though i am experiencing those days? i'm looking back on them already and wondering "where did they go?"... all too soon we will be back in california and i will be saying over and over again "thank GOD for technology"... i think i will remember this time most fondly because it was just plain fun... what a joy for timmy and i to get a sneak peek at our daughters daily lives and to know that they actually kind of like having us around:)... life is good... i like the fact that we can all hang out, tease, joke, talk, sleep, eat, play with buster the cutest rug puppy i've EVER seen (yes this is grandma speaking) and also know that all of them are overall content with their lives...they may not be ecstatic over some circumstances? but they are content with what God has given them and i don't think a parent could ask for more than that... so coming from me the lover of all things time travel? i think i would just slow down the time we are here in order to actually SEE it... see the beautiful women that our daughters have become, see how unique and individual they are, see how jeff is making a life for himself and emily and working very hard to carve out a home for the two of them... and knowing that this entire experience is being viewed with my other half, probably the most patient, kind and amazing man on the planet... if i ever have doubts of things to be grateful for? i need to just look around, because i am one blessed woman:)

time marches on... what's that rhythm again?

okay... timmy and i attended a moody blues concert at the oc fair tonight... GREAT people watching... the fair itself is amazing, everyone wandering around trying to figure out what type of deep-fried disgusting they can consume and still live to tell about it... met emily and mikkele and promptly found all SORTS of awkward photo opportunities to supply their equally odd little fetished minds... so fun... timmy and i parted from them to corral with MANY other baby-boomers to enjoy the "knights in white satin" moody blue-sers... oh my goodness... craziness ensued... i think i have become quite jaded in my opinions of those who would be my peers... but i just don't really relate to a group of paunchy, balding, reeeallllllyyy inappropriately dressed human beings, who drunkenly stand during a concert and gyrate to "i'm just a singer in a rock and roll band...", there was literally a couple two rows down and to the left of us, that TRULY needed to get a room, soooooo not pretty.... and yet, strangely, the whole event was rather amusing, and since i was with timmy, TERRIFIC people-watching and very bonding in our superiority;).... it gave us great pleasure to clap along, relive some moments from his prom (yes, the theme was "knights in white satin"... aahhhhhhh) and to give a rousing round of applause when the moody blues announced they had been together for... wait for it... wait for it.... FORTY YEARS.... time marches on... it just seems that many of us are enjoying different rhythms...

late nights?

it's not that late... if you're under 30... but i'm not and i've been staying up 'til 12 or 1 every night for days now... then i have to get up at 6? and usually don't make it until 7... where does the time go at night... i've decided that somehow, (my new mission in life) is to slow down T I M E... it would be soooo nice to feel like it's not just blazing past me... then i wouldn't feel like if i go to bed i'm going to miss something... or rather, it's gonna be the next day and i have to work... (can you tell it's the end of the school year???)... ahhhh, my complacency is showing, it's really not pretty...