i've got the joy, joy, joy, joy...:)

welllll, i have discovered the beauty of maintaining my "joy" as opposed to thinking that fleeting happiness IS my joy... i greatly appreciate the peace of mind that living a life that is being straight with God and laying it all out to Him is rather freeing... this, of course, is a daily maintenance plan, and i must admit some days are much more successful than others as a carry on my conversations with God... but for the most part? even days like today, where you feel kind of sad or things didn't exactly go the way you wanted them to at work (we love extenuating circumstances, don't we??) or maybe you just feel like there's a lot on your brain, but then there's "joy"... plain and simple... "joy"... my joy is not contingent on things, people, places, circumstances, my joy is in the Lord and i'm very grateful that He is always with me and opens my eyes to Him when i need a reminder that HE is my joy... the end:)

the REAL world...

for the past month i have been in a magical vacation bubble...get up when i want...play all day...do the daily chores when i want (IF i want)...everyone should have the opportunity to enjoy the vacation bubble...you don't need to go away to do it, you don't even have to spend money to do it, just change your routine and get refreshed... take off your watch and see how it really doesn't matter what time you do anything, time continues to tick away just fine without constantly looking at the clock... this also serves to make you appreciate when you finally do slap that wristwatch back on, because you are actually ready to have a schedule again...

one of the most memorized and beloved bible passages is the 23rd psalm and it talks about rest...

^1-3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.

You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

being tired, rundown, overwhelmed by life and problems or challenges basically creates a spiritual mononucleosis, we're exhausted and ineffective and can barely put one foot in front of the other...yes, God uses our weakness? but He wants us to be strong through Him, the only way we can do that is to be refreshed BY Him, we need rest...yes, it's wonderful if that rest can be literal and if He allows physical and emotional as well as spiritual renewal... but i truly believe that God shows us the most amazing times of rest, regrouping and re-energizing in order for us to enter the "real world" with a heart for Him..."True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction"...doesn't get much better than that:)

x + y = God's will

sooooo surprise, surprise, anyone that knows me would think i am comPLETEly crazy by starting a blog with an equation...but i find it very interesting that God could show me through one of my weaknesses (can you say numbers??...math...analytical thinking??) a little bit of a lightbulb insight into what He has for us...this morning, in particular, the logic of God and His Will struck me over the head in the form of an EQUATION, for heaven's sake, as i was talking to a dear friend at breakfast...

the question is posed: "if we feel that God has directed us in one direction, is it "wrong" to go another direction??"...my reply is this: if we genuinely are asking God for direction and there is another path that we can take, is it wrong to take the other path? personally i don't think it can really be "wrong"... our template, our measuring stick, our guide, is always and ultimately, as a Christian, a follower of Christ, how am i representing Him? God does guide us, but He allows us to make our own decisions, this is our free will... and if we are seeking God's will, our free will is in alignment with God...

now for the equation...the equation x + y = God's will, is made up of 2 variables...these are question marks and can be filled in accordingly...but those of us who know Jesus are already one of the variables, He is the example, the "x-factor"... the other variable is our free will, this is the "y-factor" and it stands for you... it's what we DO with our Jesus variable, the action, the verb...put them together and we have God's will for us...

Colossians 1:9-12 (The Message)

^9-12Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

His word is so beautifully expressed:) but all of us struggle within ourselves asking for a clear, audible voice or vision, we just need to remember our variables...He is our example...follow Him...and do the math;)

X (Jesus IN you) + Y (you/your actions) = God's will

butterflies diffusing bombs...

i find it interesting recently all the changes that have occurred...

#1. our 15 year old deaf/blind/arthritic but fairly pain-free dog, mr. ed was put to sleep R.I.P.

#2. the 12 year old autistic young man i've been working with for the past 7 months may end up with another caretaker...you never know, but i had to say good-bye to him for the summer and initiate another interventionist for his program and care.

#3. i received a phone call today from my supervisor at 24 hour fitness (whom i've never met) who very nicely (seriously, no sarcasm intended here...) informed me that next monday will be my last step class at the westminster gym, they're changing the format...i have been teaching this class for over 2 years...

in each of these situations i have found that you could be a stinker and make life miserable for the people around you OR you could be silent, gentle or kind with your words and attitude... i might highlight the concept of attitude... it speaks VOLUMES... whoever coined the phrase " actions speak louder than words?" must have been very aware of "eye-rollage";)...the most subtle negative gesture can shout at another individual and negate any semblance of positive impact on the words that may be uttered from your lips...

this past sunday listening to pastor bill's message was regarding how we use our words, how we share with the world around us... are we using our words as a positive currency to negotiate through our daily environment? or would the people that surround us, that we touch, would they ask for their money back?...

proverbs 15:1 says "a gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger"... the gentle answers, the appropriate words we can use? they are just like butterflies...lightly flitting through our lives, their beauty is subtly noticed and makes an impression... harsh words and inappropriate actions are just like bombs or land mines that can destroy a spirit in an instant... i find it intriguing that when you think about someone diffusing a bomb, one of the most important aspects is a gentle, confident touch... just like a butterfly... so this is where i come to my title wrap up... let our words, our actions, our most minute connection with another, be as a butterfly, and allow THAT to be greatest percentage of our testimony...

let the butterflies diffuse the bombs:)

home again...home again:)

it is a glorious thing to take a vacation...it is also just as glorious to come home to your "space" and have all things familiar right at your fingertips... i never realized how much i missed the menu on our television and having things set-up exactly as i like them... i was pretty sure that the familiarity of my bed was significant, as well as having all my toiletries, clothes and paraphernalia available that i may access at the slightest whim...

i think that turtles and snails probably have it pretty good because their home is carried around on their backs:)... needless to say, throughout all the beauty of the oregon and california coast, some amazing, and easily maintained company...being with the one person that embodies my concept of "home"? i still like returning to this place...this space that we've created to hold every aspect of our lives... there truly is "no place like home":)

celluloid celestials:)

for as far back as my memory can serve, i recall loving any movie that had an "other-worldly" quality...in particular? angels...first there was clarence whose wings were heralded by the ringing of a bell ...then jump to cary grant, handsome, dashing and slightly tarnished as he answers the prayers of a bishop who insists he knows exactly what he's praying for...fast forward to several television series that star these angelic interferons that are allowed to meddle in our lives to some degree? but say "don't touch" when it comes to free will... michael landon, della reese, and frankly i don't know his real name, but "earl"... they each walk alongside us pointing out roadblocks, ruination and runaway trains, whispering thoughts into our minds and hearts that we attribute to intuition, conscience or jiminy cricket...

i would like to think of these celluloid celestials as being based on a concept rooted in reality... basically they can be an explanation for the unexplainable... according to the bible we never know when we are entertaining angels...between the Holy Spirit who is our internal connection to God, and God using people and circumstances creating a life compass, we should pretty much know where we're headed... but sometimes i think that God allows someone with "skin on" to enter our lives and be even more tangible proof of His existence...they may be like a clarence, cary grant or even the more updated denzel washington? or maybe your next door neighbor or the checker at the grocery store, they might even be the small child that plays peek-a-boo with you on an airplane when you're missing the little ones that you've already raised... angels or not? God knows us, loves us, talks to us, shares with us...He knows what we need, when we need it, and sometimes what we need... might just be an angel:)

wow, all i can say is...wow...

so we're on vacation! road trip and it is an amazing time... timmy and i have followed dan and vicki up to oregon and are greatly enjoying being with the double-whammy, family AND friends...it doesn't get much better than that, getting along with people that you're actually related to but also loving them as friends...God is good:)... so as we travel along and the literal journey has been lovely, scenic and a very grand time of texting, playing games and LOTS of conversation...i enjoy that we all have so much in common but that the ultimate thing is God... it truly is mind-boggling to think that He has created all this beauty and all these individual components of life that we can literally immerse ourselves, and just "be"...

once we actually arrived in our oregonian destination we discovered that vicki had made reservations at a tiny little haven of a motel right on the beach...we were greeted by a kind young man that obviously knows the meaning of hospitality, just the right blend of local tidbits and information in tandem with allowing us to make ourselves comfortable and discover the local area...our motel room is on the second story overlooking the ocean, yes, we can literally lift our heads off the pillow and look out the window to a glorious coastline view... a little tiny balcony area houses two chairs that are perfect to get away, play a guitar or ukelele (guitar is played beautifully by timmy, uke is played VERY badly by me...) or enjoy some devotional time... a quick walk down 100 steps to the beach allows us to enter a peaceful evening with seagulls crying overhead and seashells just waiting to be turned into treasured memories...and the very first night we were presented with a gift as we walked along the beach...it wasn't quite dusk but there was a mist in the air darkening the sky...we looked back at the shoreline and the most beautiful rainbow was emerging in the sky...it glowed with a muted light and literally reached the sand...the end of the rainbow... God's promise, right in front of our eyes... and with all the words that He has given me? all i can say is... "wow"...

happy...

so today i had a slight epiphany, i was in church this morning and my tears (for once) were replaced by a smile:)...seriously... when my heart is overflowing with the words from some beautiful worship songs, my normal reaction is to cry, yes i am an old softie, but this is my "normal", this is how i react to beauty and God's overwhelming love... this is how i respond to individual's that are so gifted from God to lead others into His presence...

yet this morning? i found myself with the kind of smile on my face that is reserved for basking in the sun, cool breezes, floating weightless in some body of water that makes me feel safe... not feeling gravity at all... this was the feeling this morning when i closed my eyes and let the music and words make me completely aware of God's presence, He was right there, enjoying the moment with me... maybe this is what we will feel when we enter eternity with Him... it was just a glimpse, a moment? but it was enough for me...

"that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith: that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge: that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19

POLE!!

so i recently encountered an interesting life example:
i was riding my bike to work one morning and was stopped at a stop light at a rather large intersection...it was a gorgeous, cool morning absolutely perfect for riding and enjoying the day...a grizzled looking man walked by in the crosswalk and said, "how's the ride??" i smiled and replied, "it's beautiful, just beautiful..." he responded (while staring at me...) "beautiful, just like you..." he managed to step up on the curb as he continued to "eye" me, and then promptly ran right into a pole... hmmmm, ya think he was looking where he was going?? and i wasn't much help either, as he started to run into the pole i shouted (MUCH too late) "POLE!"... this story came to mind the other day as i was reading colossians 3 in the message (i love that translation):

He Is Your Life

^1-2 So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that's where the action is. See things from his perspective.

i described this to a friend as looking through our Jesus lens... his perspective... not looking around and "eyeing" something that may momentarily interest and distract you... but looking around and being aware of our surroundings, our opportunities and envisioning these through God's eyes, His thoughts of us, His caring for us... hopefully we won't be blindsided and hear a voice just a bit too late saying, "POLE"!...

relationships...hmmm how to decipher??

i was talking with my oldest, jenna boyd today on the phone, she has recently been discouraged regarding a relationship with a boy that had looked rather hopeful...the struggles of finding someone, someone that is the RIGHT someone, the one that God is giving you a very significant "thumbs up" this is the one! someone... so hard... we talked about the games that people play in trying to decipher each others wants and needs... communication gaps in stating those wants and needs... being true to the people that you love and that love you...how do we do it? how do we decipher it all?... practice...building on past experiences and noting what works and what doesn't...

being in a relationship for the past 35 years i think about how things have messed up, meshed and morphed throughout all these decades...i think of all the lessons i have learned and how i pray on a daily basis that i be thoughtful and mindful of the most important person to me on this planet...that i never take him for granted and that i purposefully love him, with the intention to make his life more full and the back-splash of that will be that mine is more full as well...

when i think of a relationship of give and take, fragile strength and a deceptively simple/complex dance of blending two lives, i think of my parents...and this is the "connect the dots" vision of how it's done... simple moments... my parents daily taking time to sit in the afternoon in their bedroom and talk about their day...i remember so vividly looking through their open door when i was little, my dad laying down on the bed and my mom perched on the edge, holding his hand and the two of them talking about their day... every day... and my last memory, painfully and vividly etched on the inside of my mind, the picture of my parents, after almost 60 years of marriage, seeing my mom, perched on the edge of my dad's hospital bed at their apartment, holding his hand and talking to him, two days before he died... i saw them as i was leaving for the night and the glow of the lamp behind them will forever hold that portrait silhouetted moment ... relationships? new, not so new, tried and true, the deciphering comes from the 100 percent effort of each person in the couple to truly know and support the other...no matter what...

senioritis...at 51? really??

okay, so i've been waiting my entire life to actually finish something... i have several closets full of "almost finishes"....from crafts, to books, to projects galore, i get so excited and my creativity rev's up and then kerPLunk! oops, i don't have enough time OR experience to complete this project... it is a wonderful thing to have a wide variety of interests? but when you have educational and craft ADHD it can be a bit overwhelming and expensive... needless to say, i am approaching the finish line of my Bachelor's degree in Psychology on June 1st... and yet? here i sit at 10:10 pm on a monday night, all assignments are due on tuesday nights at 9:00 p.m., and i have barely scratched the surface... i have decided that i am truly afflicted with a certifiable case of senioritis... perhaps it's because it has taken me forEVer to arrive at this near destination point in time? or perhaps i'm just lazy? or perhaps i'm a bit frightened that i am actually going to cross a finish line? this is new territory for me... i feel a bit uncoordinated with this new direction in my life... but i'm sure i'll regain my balance soon, i guess i just had to admit that i'm feeling kind of tentative with this new playing field in my life... who knows? maybe i'll actually be able to make a habit of comPLETING things!! oh well, one finish line at a time...

ah... positivity...

i have always considered myself to be a fairly positive person, yet i definitely have an edge for sarcasm... (yes, my dear daughters i can see you basically mouthing the word "duh" as you read this...)... ;)... but i find that when i am working with the special needs population there are certain things that you take for granted...

1> that the 12 year old autistic boy that i am working with doesn't really care that much about his appearance, or what is said about him...
2> that some things that are fairly obvious to those that do NOT have special needs may need to be explained to those that do...

i have decided that the matter of fact manner and straight to the heart honesty of an autistic/asperberger's individual is actually rather refreshing... i may be a behavioral interventionist but i would hope that i never become so jaded in monitoring behavior that i mistake behavior with part of a child's unique personality...

all of these insightful comments add up to one young lady that i have met in the past couple of months that i think has to be the most delightful, unique and positive person on the planet... if i could have an attitude like her 24/7? i would be heaven-bound... most definitely...

miss stephanie is 12 years old and in our 6th grade main stream, general education classroom.... when i first met her she was sitting atop the monkey-bars at recess, swinging her legs back and forth, she introduced herself and said she was "one of the autistics"... she stated this fact with pride and exuberance and i almost expect her to one day wear a rock star emblazoned t-shirt that emphasizes her autistic pride:)... she continually monitors the other "autistic" boy in her grade, who happens to be my charge, "minh"... he is equally as delightful, but prone to tantrums (that i fear may be more brat based than autistic based...) particularly when he wants his own way... granted his world is colored in a manner i cannot possibly conceive, yet i have the example of miss stephanie who keeps minh in line with phrases like, "off-topic minh", "don't twist the swings minh", "not appropriate minh"... frankly its a wonder she hasn't stolen my job:)...

but the corker to all this is one day last week when we received the pictures that the kids had taken on "re-take" day... everyone dresses up, looks their best, smiles pretty... uhm, no... minh walks in with an argyle vest, an atrocious long-sleeve sweater that clashes beautifully with that argyle vest and hair that hails back to the "flock of seagulls" days in the 80's... oh my... he has a cheezzzze grin and he is squinting at the camera... i look at the picture and laugh, show it to his teacher and a few other adults, we all get a good laugh at minh's "bad hair" day... then i see that miss stephanie has her picture, (it's adorable of course)... i show her minh's picture and she proclaims loudly to the classroom, "MINH, YOU'RE A ROCKSTAR, YOUR PICTURE IS SO COOL!"...

point taken...
and i am greatly humbled...

a list for my list....

a little bit of an epiphany has struck me over the head... i am already aware of my propensity toward procrastination (uhm, really?) but in a vain attempt to conquer this lack of virtue i have decided i need to create a list for my list... most people make a list and then mark their accomplishments with a giant checkmark or at least cross it out with a big deliberate X, but i think that i must do one extra step... write on my list to CREATE a list... i know this is a sad state of affairs, but i have decided this may be my last resort in attempting some type of time-line in my life... an example of one of my lists for a normal day you ask? anxiously awaiting the minutiae that would be my ordinary little life?
1. devotions
2. vitamins
3. shower/personal grooming
4. breakfast
5. laundry, dishes
6. get ready for work
7. go to work
8. etc., etc., etc.,
9. write a list for tomorrow

if i get at least 3 things done on my list? i feel accomplished...

so? if i just write out a list i'm a third of the way there:)
ah, if life were just this easy... yes, mindless meandering...